Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
