"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
