I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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