i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
