So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
