at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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