I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
