Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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