You're completely useless in the revolution.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
