dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
