No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
