I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
