stop calling my apartment porn island.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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