glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
