i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
