When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I am midnight drunk by noon
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
