The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
