just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
