if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
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