My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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