well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
