So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
