1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
