He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
