Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
