Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
there was a trapeze. enough said
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
