I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
