it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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