Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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