Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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