I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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