Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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