Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
