i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
