I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
This is my gift to your gina
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
