the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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