Cold hands, warm shart.
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
