that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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