You can't special order awesome
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Randomize
