That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
