i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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