she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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