Porn is love you can see.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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