My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
