I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
