moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
we should paint friendship bongs
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