you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
