First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
