If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I love how my cats smell like pot.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
