she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
