Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
