I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
3pm strippers are depressing
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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