The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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