i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
